80's Horror Central


The Vineyard (1989)


James Hong (Lo Pan from Big Trouble in Little China) wrote, directed and stars in this surprisingly well made and entertaining fantasy horror film. I am almost certain the only reason why Hong pulled a triple threat (writing, directing, starring) was so he could grope and molest the so-called actresses. He sorta pulled a Bill Hinzman in "Flesheater". But truth be told...the nudity makes the film a tad watchable.

The film opens with Hong and his much younger wife standing on the balcony of his mansion as they make out. The wife strips and a horny mechanic watches them from downstairs. Within the first 5 minutes of the movie you get to see a dungeon filled with half naked chicks who are chained up and two separate sex scenes! The plot revolves around Hong inviting a bunch of college kids to his vineyard where he hopes to steal their souls and stay young. There is some funny (if not absurd) dialog and the film's production looks surprisingly well done. But "The Vineyard" is trash...entertaining trash. Shockingly, "The Vineyard" has recieved a proper DVD release...twice!

Highlights: A martial arts master handy man, tons of boobs, a decapitation, spider cookies, snakes wrapped around hot ladies, zombies who can only be killed by sprinkling magic dirt on them, a gay old German guy, the guy from "Legacy of Rage" that isn't Brandon Lee, some really terrible dancing, and a dude going Rambo with a bow and arrow.



95Mins/Northstar Entertainment



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