“The Tomb” is a low budget B-movie that features a little skin and an underused Michelle Bauer.

PLOT: Grave robbers journey to Egypt and violate an ancient tomb which unleashes the fury of an immortal Egyptian princess [Michelle Bauer]. Using her evil mystic powers, she follows the thieves to L.A. where she exacts her revenge.

“The Tomb” is a lame B-movie that moves at a pedestrian pace and features an incoherent plot. The film is extremely unfocused and features scenes that have no rhyme or reason. Why does Sybil Danning show up for only 3 minutes during the opening scene [firing a machine gun that doesn’t feature muzzle fire] only to never been seen or mentioned again? Why does Michelle Bauer’s evil princess pick up a chick in a bar and feed her to snakes? Who is that shithead Cameron Mitchell supposed to be? Why does the film set up multiple male actors as if they’re the lead character when none of them really are? “The Tomb” is a mess of a movie.

Fred Olen Ray was one of the many filmmakers that hopped on the VHS bandwagon when home video was blowing up in the mid-eighties. To his credit, Olen Ray knew that genre pictures and B-movies would sell and be big renters. He became a B-movie, no-budget “legend” during the decade of excess. And his filmography contains quite possibly the worst collection of movies to have under your belt. I knew this was an Olen Ray movie going in…and expected bad acting, terrible effects, a convoluted plot (if any), and some decent T&A. Well, I was dead bang. “The Tomb” is another Olen Ray turd.

The highlight of the film is adult actress Kitten Natividad’s strip scene in a bar. She basically titty-twerks and I’m pretty sure I saw her asshole. You also get T&A from Dawn (“Surf Nazi’s Must Die”) Wildsmith but to my disappointment Michelle Bauer doesn’t show any skin. There's some odd about Bauer's performance this time around too. I think she was actually TRYING to act in "The Tomb" and she comes off even more hammy and terrible.

“The Tomb” also features washed up actor John Carradine and Olen Ray regular Susan Stokey. Everyone involved gives terrible performances. The film also features a garbage soundtrack. Some of the cheesiest (and not in a good way) songs I’ve ever heard. The end credits song has got to be one of the worst songs ever in the history of music. This is a real piece of shit schlock fest that I would not recommend viewing!

“The Tomb” features planes that explode from a single bullet, Dukey Flyswatter, a band called “Pharaoh and the Mummies”, a fake looking beetle, death by hand lasers, and the film’s title is shown twice for some odd reason.

GORE SCORE-0/5

Tit-O-Meter-3/5