“Sorority House Massacre” is a flatly shot, laughably cheesy, meandering slasher that rips off other, better horror movies. How can a film that runs 74 minutes be so slow, cliché, and boring?

THE PLOT:  Beth is the sole survivor of a murder spree after her brother goes crazy and kills her entire family. 10 years later Beth moves into a sorority house but due to a memory block she doesn’t realize the house is the same one the murders took place in. Her brother, who happens to be a patient in a mental institution, breaks out to finish the job. She begins having nightmares and hallucinations she can’t explain.

Wow…I’ve never seen a horror movie that so blatantly rips off another horror film. The plot is ripped straight out of “Halloween” (including a classroom scene where she sees her brother out a window). I was half expecting the brother’s psychiatrist to show up at the end and save the day (a la Loomis in Halloween). The director also rips off the rubber reality of “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (ghost children, waking nightmares, telepathy). It’s kind of sad the director, Carol Frank, couldn’t come up with a single original or creative idea for the film. No surprise this is her sole directing credit. The film is shot like a TV movie and there is ZERO suspense.

Besides having a recycled plot and a done to death setting (the sorority house), the actresses are some of the most unattractive sorority sisters I’ve ever seen. Even the chicks from Omega Mus in “Revenge of the Nerds” were hotter! The final girl (Angela O’Neill) looks and dresses like a boy. The acting is amateurish at best. There’s some T&A but it’s unimpressive and doesn’t merit a view on that facet alone.

The killer’s escape from the mental institution has to be one the easiest break outs in cinema history! And somehow he’s super human. He’s able to take a beating and seems to teleport around the sorority house at will. And the killer isn’t frightening at all. He shambles around and has a personality of a wet mop. All the kills are simple knife kills…mostly to the stomach. There is little gore and no terror.

There are some WTF moments in the film that had me laughing. There’s an undressing montage set to 80’s jazz pop that has to be one of the cheesiest things I’ve ever seen. And a scene where the brother robs and commits murders in a pawn shop was oddly amusing. Another WTF scene finds a dude’s girlfriend being stabbed in front of him and instead of helping her he continues to just stare at her exposed breasts before running away nude and screaming.

“Sorority House Massacre” is an insulting, boring, and cheap slasher film that plays out like a cheap jack Halloween remake. Even the few WTF moments and sorority skin can’t salvage this film. Arguably, “Sorority House Massacre” is one of the worst slashers of the decade.

“Sorority House Massacre” features bleeding mirrors, skull crushing, a dreadful synth score, man ass, a shovel beatdown, tee pee sex, a hit and run, and a classic VHS cover!

GORE SCORE-1/5

Tit-O-Meter-2/5

Concorde Pictures/74mins