"Boardinghouse" is a cheap, cheesy, and lame supernatural slasher that has the privilege of being billed as "the first Shot-On-Video horror film". Somehow this thing got a theatrical run and, as of now, two DVD releases!

The Plot: A man named Jim (who likes to wears leopard print speedos, cowboy hats, and perform telekinesis) inherits an old cursed home, he decides to turn into a boardinghouse for hot, young, "unattached" women. A survivor from one of the home's previous massacres escapes the insane asylum and not before long guests at the boardinghouse start dying in supernatural ways. Can Jim find out who the evil killer is?

"Boardinghouse" is a generically shot and amateurishly acted incoherent mess of a horror film. There isn't a single scare or convincing murder to be found in the film's dragging 98 minute run time. Director, writer, and "star" John Wintergate is unintentionally hilarious as Jim. He is as inept an actor as he is a director. On a positive side, his real life wife Kalassu is smoking hot as Victoria and is a decent enough actress. The film manages to be slightly entertaining thanks in large part to the heaps of nudity, bizarre dialogue, and awkward sex scenes.

There are a couple wet moments, like when a nurse disembowels himself and another when a woman gauges her own eyes out. But most of the death are lame (hanging, electrocution by bath water, drowning in a pool). The best parts of the movie are when the girls are hanging around the pool in their bikinis or disrobing in the hot tub. The movie's finale takes place at a house party where a rock band performs and there's a ridiculous telepathic showdown between Jim and the killer.

The film has a couple "What-The-Fuck?" moments that had me laughing. Like when some rapist shows up in the middle of the pool party and were treated to a rape flashback. Or how some drifter gets killed in the bathroom and no one mentions it or finds his body for the remainder of the film. In one scene, Victoria wakes from a nightmare and screams directly into the camera for what must be the world record for longest scream shot. The film was also filmed in "Horror-Vision"! A William Castle type gimmick involving a black glove and a rainbow of lights.

"Boardinghouse" also has a director's cut which runs 2 hours and 38 minutes and focuses more on character development! It's included on the special edition DVD release by Slasher Video but I couldn't force myself to watch it and waste any more time on this turd. I wouldn't recommend "Boardinghouse" aka "Housegiest"...but I wouldn't recommend 95% of the films on this website. So pick it up if you see it cheap...and if the cosmic energy moves you.

"Boardinghouse" features telepathic soap, an Asian chick, walls that bleed, a cemetery nightmare, a rock concert, Halloween III-esque computerized opening credits, 80's bush, and some retarded gardener that looks like Tommy Lee Jones from "Under Siege"!

GORE SCORE-2/5

Tit-O-Meter-3/5

Paragon Video/98mins